Whether talking about yourself as a parent or your children, that feeling of overwhelm when you don’t have the tools to understand or express your emotions can completely overtake you!
Sometimes, these overwhelming moments are accidentally dismissed with sayings like “It's not a big deal” or “Don’t cry over that.” While these responses might come from wanting to comfort or help move on from something, they often lead to the feeling that emotions are wrong or unimportant!
Emotional validation is transformative teaching for parents and children, so let's see how we can weave it into your everyday family life!
What do I mean by Emotional validation?
Emotional validation means acknowledging and accepting feelings without judgment. It doesn’t mean agreeing with their perspective or excusing poor behaviour—it’s about creating a safe space to feel and express their emotions.
Positive psychology emphasises the importance of self-awareness and self-acceptance, both of which start with understanding and validating emotions.
This validation can help families by building an understanding of emotions and how to regulate them. It can help children feel understood, which minimises frustrations and withdrawal. This healthy way to process and validate emotions can mean that they do not resurface in unhealthy ways or internalise the belief that their emotions are too much or bad!
Coaching psychology emphasises fostering self-efficacy. By validating emotions, you help children build trust in themselves and their ability to handle challenges.
For instance:
Instead of solving their problem, ask: “What do you think might help you feel better right now?”
Encourage self-reflection: “What can you learn from how you felt today?”
Validating your child’s emotions isn’t about agreeing with every outburst or indulging every frustration—it’s about showing empathy, teaching self-awareness, and equipping them with tools to manage their feelings. With patience and practice, you can create a supportive environment that fosters emotional well-being and strengthens your bond with your child.
So how do we start with this?
Take a pause!
As adults, we need that pause space to control our own automatic reactions to our children's often loud reactions when their emotions become too much. It's also a space to teach an example of how to pause and make space for your child's focus.
To make this space when they feel something big, it's often tempting to try and label the emotion but it is often better to give them space to label that emotion in whatever way they are feeling at the time. Sometimes it helps to make a physical space: for example, a soft beanbag so they cannot hurt themselves!
Another great way to support creating this space is to take the verbal pressure out when children are overwhelmed. Adding to that, asking questions can strengthen this feeling while using things like a feeling wheel or fan can help them express where they are emotionally.
This task can also be great for emotional intelligence while you are in a good space. Create the fan or wheel and take the time to talk through each emotion, what it looks like, what it feels like, and what to do when you are stuck in that emotion and want it to shift.
Normalise emotions
All emotions are there for a reason! There is no such thing as a bad emotions, only the unhealthy ways that we manage those emotions.
Now, that’s a profound statement to make, but it is true!
All emotions are reasonable and often common. This open validation, common humanity, and lack of judgement are some basis of self-compassion, but they are also a key way to help support your child in understanding and approving those emotions that are just so big when we are younger!
We are human, and all of us feel emotions…..
We are human, and our emotions are trying to tell us something…..
We are not alone in feeling our feelings, and ours are just as important as anyone else’s!
Some ways we can support children to understand validation in this space are by bringing our story characters alive and exploring their emotions. This can be done in moments when we are reading or watching TV. “That character just did this; what do you think they feel at this moment?”
Role play can also empower our views of reactions and emotions that come up in set situations, i.e. losing a toy, arguing with a friend: ‘What would you do?’, ‘How would this feel?’ and ‘How could you use that anger?’.
When asked to plan how to validate and process their emotions before the moment or situation, you will be amazed at the ideas your child can come up with.
So, what do you do if your child doesn’t want to talk?
Let's give them some other validation methods, as talking can feel so difficult when it comes to our emotions!
· Text messages/letters or any other form of communication - just because it isn’t your favourite method doesn’t mean it won’t be theirs.
· Enable and encourage creativity to express and explore emotions
· Review experiences in a shared way: “I found this really exciting.”
· Journalling: a feelings journal can use symbols and faces in the morning to express that moment
· Movement and music
· Use Lego - things like building different shapes for different emotions (such as a tower for pride!)
· Making sound (maybe drums with earplugs)
· Build a scene with toys. For example, they may be angry with each other and you can show how they cope with it!
· A visual thermometer they can slide or point to how big their emotion feels - is that emotion is big or small right now?
Validation is a transformative and essential first step in a life that often feels controlled by or obsessed with behaviours based on emotional reactions!
Let me know what works best to validate emotions in your world and if these ideas work for your family.
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